Paper Cuts
by EXNativo
Summary: He lied to her, and she gave him what he wanted. One-shot crackfic.


So I was on Tumblr the other day when I saw a Teen Titans head canon. The blog that posted it had left a comment, suggesting a name for a fic should one be written. I saw it, read the head canon and had one thought.

Fuck it.

So here, I present to you my first crackfic;

**Paper Cuts**

I'm so, so sorry for this.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or this idea, technically. But I can lay claim to the monstrosity that you're about to read.**

**XxX**

He had lied, and she had given him what he wanted.

Raven sat still on the ground, staring at the cursed book in front of her. She could still hear his voice, sprouting the bullshit that had landed her in hot water in the first place.

_"Give me a body, Raven."_

_"Stop asking me about dragons, Raven."_

_"No, it doesn't make you look fat, Raven."_

_"I swear I just saw a green fly, Raven."_

_"What's for dinner, Raven?"_

_"What's the time, Mr. Wolf?"_

_"No, I promise I'm not an evil dragon posing as a wizard to steal your heart, Raven."_

_"Get on your knees, Raven."_

_"ARGH FUCK YOU'RE BITING!"  
><em>  
>Raven shook her head, trying to get rid of her thoughts. The memories just kept coming, assaulting her brain over and over. One after another.<p>

_"No, I don't wear eyeliner, Raven."_

_"Everyone is that small, Raven."_

_"It's two centimeters of pure paper man, Raven."_

_"What do you mean, you're not in pain?"_

_"It's in!"_

_"Well you're just weird, 'cos I just came."_

Raven had been locked in her room for a few hours, ever since Malchior's treachery had been exposed. Seeing as the big hole his scaly dragon ass had left in the roof was magically gone, she had no problem stewing in her own darkness for a while. The only person who had made an attempt of reaching out to her was Robin, and that hadn't gone to well.

Raven had been feeling extremely emo for a while, when Robin had slipped a note underneath her door. Picking it up, Raven had read the hieroglyphics that he called handwriting.

_"Lol tht drgn brok ur hart thts why I dnt luv ppl it gts in da way. Btmn 4 eva!"_

Raven had scooped up a pencil, hastily writing out her response before throwing the scrap of paper back underneath the door. 'Cos that's possible.

_"Fak u roben I hop strfre gts mrrd to glerdulschelth or whtevs hs nam ws nd thn ur alon 4 eva."_

After a little while, the piece of paper had found it's way back under the door, and the retreating footsteps told Raven that he had left.

_"Smh ravin smh."_

After that, Raven had tried a variety of things to be all self pitying and shit. Her drugs were nowhere to be found (motherfucking dragon really did take everything didn't he?), her black make-up was gone (yep, he did), and all thoughts of using a pair of her lacy black underwear to hang herself evaporated as soon as she opened her drawer, only to find it empty (I don't even...).

Even her attempt of slitting her wrists with a piece of paper to be all symbolic and crap had been futile.

The page she was using was about as limp as Malchior's little baby lizard paper di-

Suddenly, Raven's empathic sense flared wildly. Someone was coming, someone who was almost pitying themselves as much as Raven.

_'Oh hell naw, I ain't being out-Gothed.' _Raven thought to herself, throwing the book inside some chest thing and closing the lid. Just as she did that, she heard a few knocks, and a timid voice.

"Raven? It's me."

Beast Boy. Of course.

"Look, I'm sorry."

_'You will be if you don't brighten the fuck up.' _Raven thought to herself, though all she could manage out loud was, "for what? You're not the one who-"

"No."

_'Did he just cut me off? Imma paper cut a bitch in a second.'_

"I'm sorry that...he broke your heart."

_'I'm sorry that he didn't manage to break my hymen.' _Raven grumbled inside her head, until she realised that she still had to respond to Beast Boy.

"I know it was all a lie... but he was the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn't... creepy. And don't try to tell me I'm not."

"OK, fine. You're way creepy."

_'You little shit.'_

"But that doesn't mean you have to stay locked in your room. You think you're alone Raven, but you're not."

_'OK, nice save.' _Raven thought to herself, reaching out to open the door. It swished open, Raven waiting for a second before throwing her arms around him.

_'YOLO.'_

Beast Boy stood stock still, his mind frozen with confusion.

_'What the fuck is she doing? She's probably trying to infect me with emo! Like hell that happening!'_

Beast Boy pulled away quickly, holding Raven at arms length so she wouldn't make another creepy attempt at emo...nising(?) him.

"Uh..." Was as far as he got before what looked like a steaming pile of socks hit him in the side of the head, sending him to the ground like a little bitch.

"WOOHOO! STANKBALL!" Cyborg screamed, waving his hands in the air as if knocking Beast Boy on his ass was an achievement.

Raven casually slid her eyes down Beast Boy figure, coming to a stop at his crotch.

_'Well, seems as though there's a green anaconda hiding on this team.' _She thought to herself, picking up the smelly pile of laundry that had flattened Beast Boy. _'I'll make it mine. But not yet.'__  
><em>

She could worry about her libido later.

Right now, she had to fuck Cyborg up for fucking up the moment.

Or something.

**XxX**

What the serious fuck did I just write.

I blame this on both teentitansheadcanons on Tumblr and alcohol. It was only a little bit but still...

Stop looking at me like that.

Peace! Or the closest you can get after reading this...

_**X**_


End file.
